Restless Heart

Rest in peace, Ivan.

Sat, 06 Dec 2008 10:26:04 GMT

Come to think of it, we all have our dreams of greatness, fame, fortune, great power. We might, or might not live long enough to achieve either one or all of those, or at least live happily ever after as Cinderella and Charming would kill for, but at the end of it all, when we reach that moment when our whole life suddenly replays itself before us in a single flash, we realize that it doesn't matter if we lived happily ever after like we all fantasize about, just like in fairy tales, what matters is: that we simply loved, and we LIVED. And if Cinderella were just here just like the rest of us to be another lucky witness to Ivan's fabulous life, she'd simply say "Shame on me".

(I wrote this note in my phone, walking, while following the hearse to the cemetery, where Ivan's remains were burried.)

So I guess I'm Peter Pan then.

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:11:13 GMT

Peter Pan Syndromers As Overachievers

Written by Evan Bailyn on 06/21 at 11:17 AM

Peter Pan Syndromers are usually painted as grown-ups who cling to their childhood due to a fear of adult responsibility. But emotionally stunted underachievers make up only a small percentage of the Peter Pan population. Dan Kiley, author of the Peter Pan Syndrome concept, never accounted for Peter Pan overachievers: eternal children whose competitive instincts compel them to achieve high standing in the very society that they secretly shun. These people learn how to game the adult world by conforming to its conventions, all the while secretly plotting to escape as soon as they have attained the resources to do so.

In fact, many of the big kids I know are actually successful businesspeople who retain a childlike world view. A lot of the celebrities we see in the media are merely big kids who use their fame and fortune to attempt to live their childhood dreams. The ambition that comes from refusing to lead a standard, 9-5 life, has created many colorful characters. After all, it is impossible to underestimate a Peter Pan Syndromer’s fear of normalcy.

The self-imposed pressure Peter Pan overachievers bring upon themselves dates back to their first concepts of good and bad. As toddlers, they learned how to behave by gauging their parents’ reactions. Good actions garnered praise, giving them a positive and affirming feeling - so they kept trying to be good. But as the Peter Pan Syndromers became toddlers, their standards for good behavior changed. No longer was listening, eating your food, and going potty enough. The onset of school brought with it the notion of competition, and now, they had to do better than others. They were graded – albeit in areas like sharing, relating to peers, and respecting elders – but still graded. In later years, the competition got stronger. Classes became stratified by skill level, and tests separated kids into discrete intellectual categories. By the time high school and college came around, these individuals were so programmed to compete that finally, one day, a realization occurred – “What is all this hard work even for? Is it all going to lead to happiness somehow, or am I just trapped in a cycle of working towards endless theoretical goals? What happened to the good old days when people were proud of me just for being nice to others? Everything has gotten so complicated.”

This is the point at which a Peter Pan Syndromer learns that he has Peter Pan Syndrome: when the world seems to spin out of control with falsely alluring goals, and all he wants to do is return to the simplicity of childhood.

Yet few others understand. Society runs like a well-oiled machine. The media enforces its ethics and people become intoxicated with normalcy. Meanwhile, the stubborn Peter Pan Syndromer is wondering what is going on around him. Why is everyone walking the same way, wearing the same clothing, using the same expressions, believing in the same philosophies? He feels the need to find someone like him, another eternal child with whom he can run away, back to the simple land of laughter and imagination. To do so he must escape from the land of taxes, bills, and bosses. So he works hard. He pretends to be normal, playing by all the rules. And he makes money. One day, he will use that money to emancipate himself from the rigid limitations of the world. Even if he has to wait until he is old, he will eventually become a kid again.

In every large company and organization, there is at least one Peter Pan Syndromer. He’s dressed like a drone but he wishes he weren’t. He wants to be free. And he will be – someday.

http://www.evanbailyn.com/index.php/article/peter_pan_syndromers_as_overachievers/

Canon 600F Professional Scanner for sale 6.5K only

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 17:02:16 GMT

I'm selling my Canon 600F Professional photo and 35mm film flatbed scanner. Mint condition, barely used. No scratches/damages whatsoever. I bought it for 10K and selling it for 6.5K.

This is a very cool and elegant scanner that blends well with Mac products. It can scan pictures, documents, and even old 35mm negatives so you can restore your old photographs and turn them into digital files. It is powered by one USB cord. No need to plug to AC outlets, unlike other scanners.

Text 0917-8837628 if you're interested :)

Technical Specifications:

Scanner Type	Color Image Scanner
Max. Resolutions	Optical: 4800 x 9600 dpi Interpolated: 19,200 x 19,200 dpi
Scanning Mode	Color: 48-bit internal/48-bit external (selectable in driver) Grayscale: 16-bit internal/8-bit external Black & White Text enhanced
Max. Document Size	8.5" x 11.7" maximum
Max. Film Size	35mm x 6 frames (Negative/Positive)
Interface	USB 2.0 Hi-Speed¹
Dimensions (W x D x H)	11.3"(W) x 1.7"(H) x 16.1"(D)
Weight	5.8 lbs
System Requirements	Windows: Windows XP: USB 2.0 Hi-Speed 566MHz/128MB RAM USB: 300MHz/128MB RAM Windows 2000: USB 2.0 Hi-Speed 566MHz/128MB RAM USB: 300MHz/128MB RAM Windows Me: USB 300MHz/128MB RAM Windows 98: USB 300MHz/128MB RAM² Mac: Mac OS X v.10.2.8 to 10.4.x USB 2.0 Hi-Speed: PowerPC G3, G4, G5/256MB RAM³

Earth Hour 2008 - Let's all make a difference.

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 02:53:30 GMT

Join people all around the world in showing that you care about our planet and want to play a part in helping to fight climate change.

On March 29, 2008 at 8 p.m., join millions of people around the world in making a statement about climate change by turning off your lights for Earth Hour, an event created by the World Wildlife Fund.

Earth Hour was created by WWF in Sydney, Australia in 2007, and in one year has grown from an event in one city to a global movement. In 2008, millions of people, businesses, governments and civic organizations in nearly 200 cities around the globe will turn out for Earth Hour. More than 100 cities across North America will participate, including the US flagships–Atlanta, Chicago, Phoenix and San Francisco and Ottawa, Montreal, Toronto and Vancouver.

Just one hour. It doesn's take much. Tonight, at 8 pm Manila time, let's make a difference.

B(argain) Day

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 06:56:43 GMT

I found myself composing something in my mind before going to sleep, so I wrote it down in a poem instead. Happy birthday! =)

It's your birthday again this year
I'm sure it must be fun
All the balloons and candies, darn
Bet you'll never be done.

You must be thinking, hey luck is here!
For all your troubles seem to disappear
But you don't know one thing, best I tell you
Before too late, I'll give a clue.

You think one day a year is great
Look at me and spoil your fate
I got a good deal you'll never get
My life's a blast, I'll watch you fret.

Being with you, hey that's quite sweet
Especially in the mornings when we greet
And then at night we kiss away
And dream a dream, o' come what may.

If you're good a math then you will see
You're really getting the deal's raw end
If one a year is such a glee
My 365's a bargain, I won't pretend.

I'm glad we're beside each other's hearts
You give me birthdays as if they're tarts
You always take me out of the blue,
So what the heck, thank you for you.

My new toy, a Canon EOS40D Pro Digital SLR Camera! (Finally!)

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 09:26:57 GMT

Superb Imaging Performance

•	10.1 megapixel APS-C size CMOS sensor for high resolution images of superb quality and details

•	On-chip noise reduction circuitry on CMOS sensor minimizes interference from electrical noise; keeping image data clean for clearer images even at high ISO settings and long exposures

•	DIGIC III Imaging Processor’s 14-bit A/D conversion gives rapid processing speeds while maintaining fine detail and accurate colour reproduction

•	New sRAW file format gives you the versatility of RAW at a smaller file size

High Speed & Quick Response

•	High continuous shooting speed of 6.5 fps up to a maximum of 75 shots

•	Shutter speed of 1/8000 sec.and X-sync speed of 1/250 sec

•	Fast 0.15 sec. startup time

•	Shutter release time lag of 59 ms

Live View mode

•	Shooting from the LCD monitor allows easy verification of focus, composition and exposure

•	Silent shooting mode for quiet environments

•	Shoot remotely from your computer via a wired/wireless connection (with WFT-E3)

EOS Integrated Cleaning System

•	Comprehensive measures to minimise the effects of dust particles on images

•	Includes Self Cleaning Sensor Unit and Dust Delete Function

Durable Body with Rugged Design

•	Magnesium alloy body for rugged field use

•	High shutter durability of approx.100, 000 cycles

•	New 0.95x viewfinder for large and clear view of the scene

•	Large 3-inch LCD monitor (approx. 230,000 pixels resolution) offers wider viewing angle with visibly clearer images and larger text

They were WiQued!

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 04:09:40 GMT

I'm glad I watched this musical before I left for L.A. It was a visual, musical, and emotional spectacle that I will forever remember. It was worth ALL the trouble (yes I did go through a lot of trouble to watch it). Hats off to Stephen Schwartz.

On another note, Avenue Q was a blast too! It was such a creative masterpiece that only a kid with wild dreams can conceive. Me and my sister had a blast. What a riot!

My life here, so far.

Wed, 19 Sep 2007 03:53:12 GMT

Life in the big apple is not exactly how Carrie Bradshaw told it--I don’t really see Greek gods and goddesses walking the streets asking you for directions, people don’t spend entire days chitchatting in coffee shops, and yeah, people would rather take the subway than cabs. But it’s close. In fact, I was pleasantly surprised that America does have some soul in it. It might not be too easy to find, but it’s there somewhere, if you look hard enough.

Honestly I was not too excited to see America, I mean not as excited to see Paris or London. I always imagined it like watching the Tonight Show, where everything is but a laugh, where everything ends with Paris Hilton or Britney Spears. But when I walked the streets, looked at the old buildings, dug up some history books, and talked to some people, I realized that it won’t be too hard for me to fall in love with this place.

We all know that globalization is taking over the world. Or rather, it is the way of the world. It’s sad, but inevitable. As a foreigner, naturally, I expected to see Americans trudging the streets because, obviously, I am in America. But instead I see people from different races, cultures, ethnicities. New York is a melting pot, as they term it. Diversity, personified. And precisely that characteristic makes the Big Apple very interesting, and educating, might I say. It’s not easy to talk to a Chinese, French, Indian, or Russian. But the moment you learn how to deal with different cultures, your perspective widens tenfold. It’s when you understand that things come in different colors, shapes and sizes – and all of them have their own importance. I’ve learned quite a few things that I’m proud I’ll bring a long for a while.

I sort of prepared for this trip, at least the way I thought was appropriate. I bought new clothes for the cold, read up on the place, and contacted some American friends. However, there were a few things that slipped my mind. Much to my surprise, were the very basic things that I am dealing with now. To name a few: cooking, doing the laundry, doing the dishes, and, most of all, living alone. It didn’t come too easy, but heck I’m even having a blast that I now know how to cook Adobo, and cook rice without rice cookers. Yes, rice cookers are not “in” here. It’s not so bad. All this time I’ve been afraid to cook and pretty much have anything to do with the kitchen until I realized that you just have to get in to it to get it done. It’s that simple. It doesn’t require complicated math at all. However, a little love spices up the meal quickly.

I like the fact that this apartment is equipped for clueless singles like me to get by daily life easily. How hard can it be? There’s a dishwasher, microwave, Laundromat, oven, and even a cleaning lady every week to help me out. Not bat at all. I am proud, very proud that I cook my own food now, do my laundry, and pretty much run this household of exactly one person, namely myself. Kudos to me!

I haven't been here a long time, but the more time I spend in this city, the more interesting it gets. The people who walk fast, the the old and dirty subway, the metal scaffoldings everywhere, the ridiculously high cost of living, the cold, cold air, the street art, subway art, graffiti art, the sidewalk cafes in Greenwich, the galleries in SoHo, and everything else television doesn't show all give New York it's character. I've already fallen in love with this place... this place.

I heart NY, sincerely.

You see, everything would have been perfect here, if not for one small thing...

You know who you are.

Sat, 14 Jul 2007 05:44:05 GMT

I lie awake
I've gone to ground
I'm watching porn
In my hotel dressing gown
Now I dream of you
But I still believe
There's only enough for one in this
Lonely hotel suite

The journey's long
And I feel so bad
I'm thinking back to the last day we had.
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I'll be back with you
I'm nearly with you
I'm nearly with you

When I'm weak I draw strength from you
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart we are each other's destiny

On a clear day
I'll fly home to you
I'm bending time getting back to you
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I'll be back with you
I'm nearly with you
I'm nearly with you

When I'm weak I draw strength from you
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart we are each other's destiny

When I'm weak I draw strength from you
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart we are each other's destiny

I'll fly, I'll fly home
I'll fly home and I'll fly home

Lose some gain some

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 19:58:05 GMT

Today I lost my laptop, mobile phone, and wallet—three things, that as far as my present cosmopolitan life is concerned, are most essential, if not crucial to my very existence. I really don’t know what this experience has to offer me, I mean no one deserves, not even the nastiest of our kind, such anguish. But in all of my misfortunes, I always try to squeeze out any good lesson I can harvest from them. Obviously, it doesn’t hurt to give yourself a little consolation, no matter how scanty it is fashioned. So here I am writing about the day, and equipped with much more than abundant motivation than required, may it be in the form of inspiration or antipathy, to pen my thoughts and grace this forgotten space once more. However, despite the events that took place earlier, I’d rather not feel sorry as I’m supposed to, lest increasing the damage I’ve already suffered. I’d rather talk about the good things: first, I got a generally good cry; then I made a new friend, who was more than happy to aid and console me during my darkest hour, really it was something to smile about—just when I was already losing hope about the goodness and authenticity of homosapiens, apparently there are still some to make us proud, real proud, thanks Gee; and then I realized how lost I was without those material things, it was like my life could not go on any further, I mean how do I reach my friends? My boss? My mom? Everything stopped. Literally. Then I took a step back and tried to decipher how fucked up the situation was. I was totally helpless without those things, and it came a little bit too late for me to realize how wrong that was. It also dawned on me how attached I have become to “things”—to the point that they have become benchmarks of my success, failure, and happiness. The “attachment” inevitably and forcibly had to be removed, definitely without my consent, and with a lot of objection. Truth is, despite my usual calm and composed self, I almost lost my mind. The next few minutes were the most painful soul-searching sessions I had to go through. I did a shrink session on myself, trying to talk some sense and sagacity into me, despite everything looking blatantly bleak. Then finally I succumbed to the reality I had to face and live with. After all, it wasn’t so bad. I didn’t lose anything I couldn’t get back the day after. In fact, I gained a few.

Pimp my LJ

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 16:45:49 GMT

Someone better teach me how to put those fancy graphics around here... BAM!!! I like the layout of your LJ!!

Close my eyes

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 12:47:37 GMT

I was a wayward child
With the weight of the world
That I held deep inside.
Life was a winding road
And I learned many things
Little ones shouldn't know.

Funny how one can learn
To grow numb to the madness
And block it away.
I left the worst unsaid
Let it all dissipate
And I try to forget.

Guardian angel I
Sail away on an ocean
With you by my side.
Orange clouds roll by
They burn into your image
And you're still alive.

But I closed my eyes
Steadied my feet on the ground
Raised my head to the sky.
And though time's rolled by
Still I feel like that child
As I look at the moon.
Maybe I grew up a little too soon.

New beginnings

Mon, 18 Dec 2006 10:16:04 GMT

I guess it has literally been a while since I last dropped by this space, but hey today I just feel like writing so sue me. Anyway, the coming new year is bringing a lot of excitement to my mundane life. Like the title of this entry says, it's a year of new beginnings. New job, new interests, new places, new goals, renewed spirit. This year has been quite an interesting mix of events that might not be for the weak-hearted. I cannot think of proper words to accurately describe it. One thing’s for sure though, this year, I grew up. In more ways than one. I grew up in many ways a person could. And it has not always been happy. Fine, for the most part, it was tough. And I’m still kicking. Who knew people could still grow up at 26? But hey, like I said, this year is ending with a happy big bang that I darn deserve. So what are you waiting for? Happy friggin new year, you beautiful fools. A toast to all of us hungry souls!

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 07:39:06 GMT

We are but mere infinitesimal beings in this magnificent arena of existence. Though we want all things to be clear, explained, and scientific, it is merely ridiculous to have everything figured out. There are so many mysteries in this universe that are still waiting to be realized. That is how wonderful life is. If everything were spelled out to us, then we will not be striving for progress anymore; our minds will stagnate. We should always try hard to be better, learn more, and open our minds to new things. Be ready to accept new truths, rights, and wrongs, for we are not perfect. And we do not know everything. We should open our hearts and believe in the genius that we witness every day as we wake. Let us keep believing in better things, better lives, better futures. Let us keep our faith and strengthen it -- faith in the goodness of people, faith in the magic of life, and faith in things we cannot see, but feel. Without faith, life will be meaningless, and without purpose. At times I tell myself that even if no one really knows who staged this endless grand drama we’re all part of, surely, there must be someone responsible for all this greatness. I am humbled by its power. And today, I give thanks.

Random thoughts

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 02:09:34 GMT

Can I just say that the acoustic version of Howie Day’s “Collide” is totally amazing. I heard it on Jam while driving to work. I’m speechless…

Anyhoo, the party at Rajo’s was fun. Hed Kandi was a blast. The “after-party” was heavenly.

And oh, the conversations just make my day.

I guess it is true that things find their right places eventually.

I’m in a great place right now, this place…

Twister - MC

Sun, 18 Sep 2005 08:51:18 GMT

She was kind of fragile
And she had a lot to grapple with
But basically she kept
It all inside

Childlike and effervescent
With a well of pain
The depth of I could not imagine
If I tried

Never thought that I
Would hear them say
Twister went and threw it all away

She was kind of magical
Her laughter sent you casually
Floating through a moment
Of release

Dear God, it's all so tragic
And I'll never have the chance
To feel the closure
That I untimately need
No, I never dreamed
That there would come a time
Twister'd go and leave it all behind

Lord I pray she's found some peace
And her soul's somewhere at ease

Yeah I'm feeling kind of fragile
And I've got a lot to handle
But I guess this is my way
Of saying goodbye

Closure

Fri, 16 Sep 2005 11:50:04 GMT

While I trek my way down the street
I notice a few interesting things.
That the rain is vital to the trees
And the flowers keep the bees alive
The grass need the soil to stay on.

Then sunset creeps in as if scaring everyone away.
Soon, it will put an end to the joy of the sun.
I sit and wait a while.
Then the moon slowly peeks form the clouds
As if loitering around, sensing what’s going on.
Then I stand up and look around.
Everything is different now.
The flowers are sleeping,
The bees resting,
And the grass napping.
The day has come to an end.
The flowers seem furious
For the sun has left them,
Then suddenly I smell the sweetest scent
Which awoken my senses.
The flowers are not mad,
But grateful indeed for some reason!
As if already understanding why the sun left them,
They embrace the night gloriously.

Then the moon suddenly graces the world
With it’s majestic entrance from the kingdom of the clouds
Giving brand new hope to all things beneath it.
The world is alive again.

Apparently, everything is just the way it’s supposed to be.

So I walk again, and this time, I notice that the sky
Is now owned by the moon and the stars.
They beam with their greatest powers,
For they know the sun will come soon.
Such a brief moment to enjoy the sky’s vastness.

With a load of wisdom I walk on,
I am unafraid of the world now.
I am actually content.
I know tomorrow will be another story to write about.

Nothing

Fri, 16 Sep 2005 02:47:01 GMT

We’re content with short glances,
Short talks, short walks, short naps.
Like it has always been.

And in those short nothings
We built a world of our own
Shut from the rest.

It was perfect, we thought
At least it looks perfect from the inside
We were happy in our bubble.

Then one day I stood
Outside looking in
I watched.

It was a very familiar sight
That we built in our minds
That we pretended existed.

I saw exactly what I should see...
Nothing.
Like it has always been.

Home - Dishwalla

Wed, 14 Sep 2005 14:44:38 GMT

I'm so sick and tired
of all these things
that drag me down
I've got no where to go
they say that life
is in these hands
you give everything
you give yourself away you give
and still you choke
and find yourself running for the door

come and take me
home
lead me to your door
take me where you are
lead me to your door
at least just for a while

its some kind of life
forever days
we're in the cold
unfamiliar way
so take this fear
and fade it out
it won't make me sad
cause I get sentimental lord
in other ways
and I don't want to let me down here anymore

so come and take me home
lead me to your door
take me where you are
lead me to your door
and let me in
just let me in
and let me leave
just let me leave this world
come on now let me leave this world
at least just for a while.

I ain't missin out on life

Wed, 14 Sep 2005 14:07:44 GMT

Last night I met some old friends. Friends I have not seen for a very, very long time. I guess these days I’ve been feeling pretty nostalgic for no reason at all (or for some reason I don’t want to admit exists). So we went to this place in Panay Avenue they call “Davao” (though it’s not the real name of the place). The place looked cozy enough, and simple. Not too posh nor too dilapidated for comfort. Then the beers came in, along with some good conversations. Two of their friends came by to join in. Then we played this game which lasted for like 2 hours or so. I did not notice how fast time flew. Next thing I knew, it was 2am. We got there at 7pm. So that amounts to 5 hours. Amazing. I thought we were only there for an hour. How can you not run out of words to say if you’ve been talking to the same people for 5 long hours? Well we didn’t. In fact, we had a blast.

Of course I had to work the next day. Meaning I had to wake up at freakin 5:30 am to get to work by 7am. And that thought just completely slipped my mind (or was totally ignored). I thought, hey, what the f*** was I thinking? Work is, yeah, very important. It puts food on the table. But, is that all that matters? I felt so much better having my friends around, and no gizmo or gadget or gimmick can replace that feeling. I did not know what I was missing at all.

So then reality checked in, we had to go home because we all had something to do the next day. I had a splitting headache for drinking too much Red Horse, and maybe talking and laughing too much. It then dawned on me that I had barely 2 hours to sleep. Minus the morning rituals, that makes it about 30 minutes to sleep. And of course my head was terribly aching while I was computing my remaining minutes I can spend in dreamland. Then I suddenly remembered that I had to do a million things once I get to work, plus buy a tire for my car, plus go to G4 to buy a PC part, and of course, eat a hefty breakfast. But you know what, despite everything looking shitty, miserable, and practically hopeless, I had never felt better.

Boo!

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 02:58:22 GMT

A friend’s writing somehow encouraged me to revisit this forsaken data cluster in computerdom. I really don’t know why I shut up for so long. I guess it’s because I had better things to do. Or I thought that at least. Turns out this exercise is much better than much of what I’ve accomplished the past few decades. At least now I’m totally sincere, objective, and not trying to impress anyone. That oughta be a good thing.

So here I am again. I feel much better now than 3 months ago. One thing the past few months have made me realize is, I still need my momma to live!!! I guess after living alone for about 3 months, that’s a pretty good conclusion to make. I’m not even gonna talk about the details anymore.

I’m just glad Nanay’s finally home.

I don’t feel that bad that I wasn’t able to go with mom and sis to Europe. Well it’s not the best feeling in the world but it’s all good. At least I kept my decision to take my work seriously. At the very least, I stuck to it. I never thought that was even possible. But things, and people, do have their little surprises once in a while. More to come later, SAP’s a handful already. Boo!

Boohoo

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 11:27:23 GMT

Uninspired is how I can describe how I’ve been feeling for the past few months. Obviously, I did not have much to write about. This is just another attempt to update my LJ since, literally, it has been a while. So here are some of my thoughts for the past few months: “

“.

Echoes

Mon, 03 Jan 2005 05:57:45 GMT

Apparently not even a million mountains could prevent our thoughts from whispering to each other, singing to each other. Secret rendezvous in the midst of fiber-optic puzzles and magnetic households, who ever thought we’d manage? Echoes of our songs continue to flow in the myriads of packets thrown around like confetti from New Year’s eve and yet, we catch them effortlessly and bring them to our perceived existence. And it is not like a burning flame that ceases to exist after a few hours, it is like burning fossil coal, ready to fight for oxygen to continue breathing, ready to fight oblivion and everything that comes with it.

Not even time could break our pact. A pact no one ever thought was made. It stealthily cut through the grains of time and defied traditions of the ages, eventually making its presence known to its mercenaries. We are humbled by its power.

And as we go on with our little efforts to consume the world as we know it, we hold dear our incessant verses and bring them to dreamland every night as we retire. And every waking moment is another challenge to survive. For if valiums are for insomniacs, your song is for me.

Causality

Mon, 03 Jan 2005 02:10:51 GMT

It was New Year’s day when myself, my mom, and my sister were having a quiet lunch at home with leftovers from our media noche. We don’t usually talk about our New year’s resolutions but somehow our conversation was steered towards that line. How can we help it? Everything around us was screaming “Help the tsunami victims”. Then my mom recounted stories of her friends who went out of their way to help our fellowhumans (politically-correct term). Then the air was suddenly filled with advocacy. I dunno but being 24, graduating from UP, having VERY socially-concerned parents, it is very hard for me not to be thinking of my purpose in life. This stage of my life is probably the time to think of how I want to be remembered when I’m through with this world. Sounds really mushy huh? But that’s what’s really bothering me nowadays. I have never really cared about anything else in the past 24 years but myself, my family, and my friends. And mostly it’s just myself. Having seen many things happen before my eyes, all the injustice, the inequality, and the exploitation, especially in a 3rd world country like ours, my social education is inevitable. I cannot just shut my eyes from reality. As much I just want to have a peaceful and personal life it seems impossible to do so when a lot of wrong should be right. I feel like I have a responsibility to this world that gave me my own existence. An officemate of mine sent me an email of a graduation speech from UP. Here’s my favorite quote:

“No one is willing to die for a vision. People will die for a cause.
You posses a vision. A cause possesses you.
A vision lies in your hands. A cause lies in your heart.
A vision involves sacrifice. A cause involves the ultimate sacrifice...
You must have the right vision,
and you must be fighting for the right cause.
In the end, right will always win out.
It may take time, and it may take long.
But if you have the right vision and are fighting for the right cause,
you will prevail.
If not, no matter how sincere you are, if you are not fighting for what is right,
you will ultimately fail."

That speech pierced through my heart. Well it’s about time. I must admit, for someone who’s just started working in a corporate environment, vision is what drives me to get to the top. It’s all about competition, excellence, and financial success. But at the end of the day I would wonder what and who I am working for. If I only work for myself I’d: probably be so rich, have all the money I want to have in a lifetime, be able to do anything I want, be able to have everything money could buy. What about the things money CAN’T buy? Suddenly I am bitch-slapped in my head. How come I never thought of that? I have been to concentrated on material possessions for so long that I have forgotten to give attention to what really matters.

My mom has always told me that you cannot bring your millions to your grave. And that someday she wants to put up a shelter for the needy so her money could be put to good use. I’ve always thought that was ridiculous. But now I understand it. It’s called Hierarchy of Needs. By Maslow. According to him, when a person has physiological security, safety, love, esteem, and self-actualization, there is nothing more to want but self-transcendence: “to connect to something beyond the ego or to help others find self-fulfillment and realize their potential.” In other words, if we are happy in our own states already, we find other ways to gratify ourselves. In my mom’s case, it’s in helping others that she gets fulfillment from.

There’s an on-going dilemma in my head every time I wake up in the morning. How can I make a difference in my lifetime? How can I help right all the wrongs? How can I be ultimately happy when I’m in my deathbed? All these things are good thoughts but what am I going to do with them? Ideas are nothing without action. My life is meaningless without a cause. What’s my New Years resolution? Truth is I don’t have one. But what I do have is a life’s resolution. Be a good son, employee, flat-mate, citizen of this world. Care.

What do you think?

Sat, 25 Dec 2004 18:45:44 GMT

Christmas has different meanings for different people. To most of the world, it is the birth of THE savior, to some it is just like any occasion worth celebrating, to some businessmen it is the perfect time for more income, to some it is the most joyful time of the year, to some it is the most wasteful time of the year, to some it is just like any other normal day, and to me, well, it is still a special day worth looking forward to, despite the fact that I’ve repeatedly experienced it for about 24 years now.

I never really knew the real essence of Christmas. All I know is every time that part of the year comes, everyone is happy. And that alone is enough for me to treasure it.

Christmas is always the best excuse to set aside your problems for a moment and look at the brighter side of life. There’s nothing wrong with that, as long as you don’t overdo it. Work hard, party hard. Otherwise, what’s the point of living? We may have our own little, or big problems to deal with, but when we’re greeted by our family and friends in that grand annual Christmas party with those warm smiles on their faces, don’t you feel like even for that one moment in the year, all your burden just vanishes away for some strange reason? What do you know, as much as everyone might call Christmas “overrated”, it still hasn’t lost its own little magic.

It just feels nice that although no one really knows the essence of Christmas, well at least I ‘m not sure I do, it is still the time when everyone wants to be nice. Foes become friends again, little misunderstandings are forgotten, old friends are remembered, new friendships begin. It is all about feeling good and happy no matter what the critics might say. Never mind if Christmas is one of the best capitalist marketing strategies to accumulate more wealth, what’s more important is that even if we know that we are being manipulated, used, and probably abused by those giant corporations, we still like to do a little good even for once.

As my mom would always say, Christmas is the most expensive, painstaking, stressful time of the year. And yet, we love it. To us, Christmas is about togetherness, meditation, reflection, and of course, celebration of the past year. That’s what Christmas means to us.

So what is the real essence of Christmas? All I can say is, if it makes you happy, then it ought to be a good one.